I'm so sorry for you. I too suffer from classic enabling. I won't go to a bar with AH, I won't buy his booze, I won't even give him money when he has run out, but I stay because my heart aches for the love we once shared. I yoyo between leaving and staying and making the right choice for my family. I have built up a little cash stash to help myself and my kids in the event that I finally reach my bottom. We too have very good days and lots of them, but when AH has a bad day...he still manages to bring us all down. Its really the simple things...like not talking, forgetting everything you said when we did talk, the total lack of interest. AH is no longer allowed to transport my kids. My daughter finally got her drivers permit..so that part of my safety issues is over. I have begun to stockpile foods and things that we didn't have when AH decided that he no longer loved us and walked out before. I have had some success with detachment, but that too is a struggle for me. My kids and I are very open about AH's problem. We have started writing down our thoughts. I'm tired of trying to convince him that his chosen life is leading him on a path to nowhere. He should already know this...his entire family has taken the same path.
Anyway...that was just a bunch of rambling on my part. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. It is a struggle for everyone who is associated with addiction. Very painful indeed.
Hugs,
Loverof1