Struggling with advice from marriage counselor
It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here, but I’m a regular lurker. I’ve been separated from my AH for almost a year. In addition to SR, I have an individual counselor I visit; I go to Al-Anon meetings; and I practically have a full Melody Beattie library. I’m also reading some of “Getting Them Sober”, as well as some other self-help books. In other words, I’ve been really trying to work on me. Back in August, AH & I found a marriage counselor who we see every 1-2 weeks, aside from a 5 week break earlier this year when she told AH he really needed to work on himself. I’ve made it quite clear in the marriage counseling sessions about my concerns about my AH’s drinking. I’ve also made it clear about some other issues I have with him – he’s very sensitive, emotional & needy; doesn’t take care of himself health-wise; and has financial struggles. I’ve had a couple of one-on-one sessions with the counselor where I’ve expressed those concerns, as well. In one of those sessions, the counselor said she was also concerned about AH’s drinking & the feasibility of our relationship working b/c of the gap between us – as in I’ve done a lot of work on myself, but he hasn’t. She even gave me suggestions about collaborative divorce that’s available in Texas. To make a long story short, after the 5 week break from seeing her, we go back & I say how I don’t think anything has changed. Yes, he’s going to this individual therapist, but he’s not talking about his drinking (his admission.) He still wants to drink & finds me unreasonable b/c I don’t want him to drink even 1 beer around me (long story.) I feel we’re not getting anywhere, but we go to another session last night. It didn’t start off well when she forgot she had scheduled us, and we had to call her on her cell phone after waiting in the lobby for 15 minutes for her to show up … In this session, the marriage counselor tells us she thinks we’ll be OK b/c we’re just going through the 7-year itch (we’ve been married 6+ years & together 12+ years). She then suggests that I let AH move back in with me for 2 months, with certain parameters in place, to see how things go & for him to prove how he’s changed. I was stunned on both counts. In typing this out, I think I know the answer to my questions, but I’d like some other perspective. Is this marriage counselor worth my time and money? She says she’s dealt with alcoholism/addiction issues, but I really question that. I had a good session with my therapist yesterday where she stressed that I need to focus on me & my feelings & not how my A feels. So, I start to focus on that, and then I get hit by a curve ball from the marriage counselor. Any input from anyone else who’s dealt with mixed messages from different counselors? I appreciate your honesty & advice. Thanks.