I stopped commenting about my brother's drinking to them as a general policy. They know they are alcoholics. Long ago I handed over the number to AA and said I think this would help you. And then I let it go.
It had taken me years of pain and finally attending AlAnon and counseling to get to that place of not feeling responsible for their problem anymore (meaning it just does not matter what I say it will not change their life or make them see or be the ah-ha moment!!!!)
It was a HUGE relief.
Now I try to just deal with behavior.
If they hurt me in some way but then offer a genuine apology I will accept it...or not. Has nothing to do with their drinking. Their drinking or not drinking is their business.
My business is to keep myself in a mentally healthy place. If that means, for me, I cannot be around my A brothers or I have to limit my contact with them...then I do. I don't need to apologize for that and I don't blame their drinking. I am just taking care of me!
I would consider accepting her apology but setting some limits as GL said so wisely. If not wanting to hear her complaints 2-3 times a day then just say that up front. Stop feeling so guilty about taking care of your own anxiety and mental health!!
peace,
b