I am awake I think, so much that has yet to still happen yet I am but under 10 hours from being admitted. I am terrified.....I am not even going to lie, me and my girls tried to get me drunk, I tried i wanted it so damn bad, the smell made me puke and just bawl.......I just want this nightmere to be over.........I am suppose to be happy because i am drug free and sober free today how.............?!?!?!?! when I want to be so far gone.....locked in that safe place within my head where nothing can reach me nothing can penitrate where there is no more hurting no more needing or wanting more than that I cant imagine what my daughters look like what they would of been like........the hurt and pain in Edwards eyes while he tries to figure out what to say to me or what to do, all he does is hold me tighter........never before have I felt this pain.......not even when my son died...........I guess I just need to go to bed, for tomarrow promises to be a damn long day..........good bye my friends, talk to you soon I pray!
Love and Hugs,
Pamm