Thanks again.
My last drink was Monday I think, so I am still recovering from that, it was worse than usual, 2 or more bottles (spirits) a day for 4 or 5 days I think. To drink that amount when you haven't built up a tolerance by being a daily drinker is what kills us binge drinkers, we do it once too often and something just "goes", organ failure.
To be totally blacked out for days at a time is just insane too. Despite almost drinking like a normal person for the first half of last year the evidence is all there....I am not a normal drinker and never will be. AA has that part right, many alcoholics will pursue the illusion of trying to drink normally to insanity and death, and I am of that type. Something in me just clings to that illusion and it has to be smashed.
I am still concerned that after a month or two I have the tedency to believe that illusion, it scares me, maybe being scared is good. This is hopefully where this thread comes in, by posting here most days I am reminding myself how serious this is and "just tonight" is not a sane or acceptable thought.
Aardvark mentioned going back to the gym and I have been meaning to for a while but am just going to do the Wii-Fit for now, plus some stretching and walks. I am trying to eat better too.
Thanks again for your support everyone, it means a lot.