Hi Glenna -- I've been wondering how things have been going with you and am glad you posted. I'm glad things are going well.
So if things are going our way, why am I so afraid? I worry about things not working out or failing at what we want to accomplish or a myriad of other things. Sometimes the anxiety is overwhelming. Why can't I just relax and enjoy whatever good things come our way?
I know this feeling oh so well. I spent(d) every day there, even now that AH is gone. It seems as soon as I get a few steps ahead, something happens and I get pushed backward. I am beginning to realize that these occurences are a big part of life. Sh** happens!
I also know that a big part of the fear and anxiety I have is from living so long with my AH and never knowing what to expect day to day. I used to spend every day wondering if this would be the day he would "fall off the wagon". It was finally one of the reasons I reached my bottom. The anxiety was causing me health problems and I had to finally wake up and say to myself -- sober or not -- I cannot live the rest of my days this way.
Also, when we live with prolonged periods of anxiety, our body is producing too much adrenalen. It can cause problems with our adrenal glands in that they no longer recognize how much adrenalen to produce. They get all "wonky".
Ask yourself what the anxiety and worry is about. Is it something you have control over or not -- is it all about him or just everything. I found that my entire day and life would centre and be controlled by whether he would relapse or not -- all of it. I neglected myself and many other of my responsibilities because I was soooo consumed with the possibility of him slipping. And the disappointment that came with it. When I finally learned to have no expectations around anything he did, and focused on myself, things got better.
I hope things continue going well for you Glenna.
take care
Laurie