Sounds like you are having a rough go of it Penny.
I am on an ultimatum from my wife. If I drink at all I am out. This is my last chance and I am working hard not to mess up.
Maybe if you beg enough and are serious you can cut the same deal.
If you want to talk PM me.
You can do this if you really want it.
Trust in yourself. You are stronger than you think you are.