My son describes it as a devil sitting on his shoulder. Have you really put that world behing you in your own head? Eliminating all contacts with other users and friends who may pull you down like crabs in a basket. Surround yourself with people who are a sphere of positive influence. I know my son wants to quit, just like you. I love him with all my heart as I am sure your family loves you as well. I can not have him in my life when he is using and I miss him terribly. It is killing me to watch my son self-destruct and I am sure your family misses you and wants the real you back. Please seek out others who can give you the encouragement that you need whenever you feel yourself slipping.