It sounds like you have a lot of pent up feelings of anger, hurt and sadness towards your father...and rightly so. You are always entitled those feelings...and unfortunately, some things can never be completely rectified...b/c they are too hurtful or b/c the issues were never addressed. The important thing here though, Tom, is you. You need to make your peace...whatever that means for you. Whether you decide not to see your dad...or decide to see him, or even help him. Whether you never speak to him again, you ask for his explanation or apology, or you decide to let him know you need to forgive him in order to let go and move forward positively in your life....it's all your decision.
I tried to out an out forgive him for everything when I initially got sober in 1989 clean slate. I ment it too however that was before I met my wife got married and had a child.While I got better worked a good and rigerous program.He stayed himself angry mean and confrontational.Then there was the Christmas he broke the dogs collerbone.This scared my wife to where there was no going back.We never went back to the house.Then there was the time at the church when he took a swak at my son that was it.Now the man who wa my monster who I hid from in the closet.He has one leg that is shorter that the other so I learned at an early age down hill was the way to go.How f up is it that 40years later you always have a planned way out with a down hill