Better to surrender than fight
Ive been coming here to SR since 2005. Originally because I thought drugs were my problem even though ive been drinking for 30 years. I was able to stop the drugs and have been off them 16 months now. I knew drinking was a problem and I needed to do something. Over and over people kept telling me to get my butt to some meetings, but the addict in me wouldnt allow it. I recently met someone who also has a problem and wanted desperately to go to a meeting. I told her I wasnt into it, but if she wanted I would gladly go with her if it would make her more comfortable. Anyway it made it wasier for me to go cause in the back of my mind I wasnt going cause I had a problem I was going for her. Yea right!
The first meeting we went to I was to busy looking around and trying to analyze everything to listen, but we wnt to another meeting. I got settled in and I listened. We both listened. We both cried and we have been trying to hit 1 meeting a day.
I dont know why it took me so long. I dont know why I wasnt willing to go for myself but I would go to help someone else. Whatever Im just glad I made it. I met some new great and caring people, got a bunch of #s and although im still drinking I feel free cause I see hope for myself through the people that have been able to embrace the program and gotten better.
IM drinking not because I want to, but because I physically need to. So I put a call into the detox center by me and Im waiting for them to call me back when there is a bed available. Im scared and dont want to go, but I think im gonna just friggin go and get it over with instead of continually suffering. Drinking has been making me severely sick.
If anyone is reading this that questions AAs methods I strongly urge you to reconsider. Just give it a try. No need to suffer as long as I have. I have been trying to quit since I am 16 I am now 47 and I finally see some true light at the end of the tunnel.
I dont have to live in this prison anymore and I am very grateful for my new sober friends.
I wish I could have listened earlier!!!!!!! I just wasnt getting it.
Ive been fighting and could never win and so......... I SURRENDER!