(((Lies))) - I do understand. I'm the same way with my niece, Brit. I'm pretty emotionally invested in her, too, but I've had to step back with her. She's convinced that screaming and cussing will get her her way...and it does, with dad and stepmom, most of the time. I finally told her, that when she does that, she will get NOTHING from me, whether it's me she's yelling at or not.
The other night, she had to call me to pick her up because she couldn't get hold of stepmom. She was later telling stepmom "Amy DOES things for me...when I ask her nicely". This is stuff a "normal" 15-year-old knows...Brit has never had any discipline and knows nothing about consequences, except from what I've tried to teach her, so I can see that she IS learning something from me...it's just taken a while. She is picking up on the way I handle things around the house, so it makes me even more determined to show her the "non-codie" way, because stepmom is a HUGE codie.
It's hard..I want a lot for Brit, but I'm not her mom. I'm finding out, though, she does pay attention to how I deal with life, and she picks up on things. It gives me a little more incentive to teach her, while she's young, how to be responsible for HER stuff, but not take on the problems of others (stepmom is a HUGE codie).
I think you're doing great!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy