Originally Posted by
Glenna9802 
I think you handled things just perfectly, not letting him mess with your mind and seeing him for exactly who he is. He's totally p**sed that he's losing control and is trying to make you feel small so he can gain it back, but you are just too cool for him!!
Hang tough, girl. You're almost out of there!!
Thanks.. :ghug
I've realised that. When I spoke to my group buddy the first thing she said was 'he is an alcoholic'.. 'you are detaching and he can't deal with it in a healthy way'.. 'he is trying to control your leaving'.
I have to admit at the time.. when he was getting angry with me for not accepting his help to sort through my stuff (because his entire contribution to that would be picking things up that I decided could be disgarded and putting them in a bin!).. I did not quite understand the sub-text.
The whole sorry conversation was designed for him to vent his feelings and make me feel like crap in the process. There is one thing that has stuck in my mind since.
He asked why I had not sorted through my stuff since I moved in. I said initially I was too busy and also had slight moving fatigue so couldn't really be bothered at that time: latterly, I was unsure of my place in this house and in the last year I have been in a really sad, dark place if you hadn't noticed. He said he had noticed and tried to speak to me several times about what was wrong and he said I fobbed him off with 'I'm ok'. I said did you, it didn't seem like it. Cue proverbial prodding of me.. why do I never accept help, why are you this, why are you that..
Now that was my 'benefit of the doubt' filter working overtime. The truth. He (this man who is supposed to love me and care about me and is offering help to sort through MY stuff) never came to me and said he'd noticed I was down and lets talk about it. Not once. This is a man who rarely talks about feelings. What a crock..
Damn that filter.. I'm going to rename it 'BS filter' and recalibrate it.
Today. I don't like him very much. I'm tired of the lies he tells himself. I'm tired of being the 'baddie'. I have broad shoulders and will admit when I am wrong: but they are no longer broad enough to shoulder his rubbish too.
Today. I'm going to call it like I see it. I'm not going to go looking for conflict or discord or get defensive or start taking inventory, but I'm going to stop making excuses for this man.
Last night was horrible. But I'm grateful for it.