Originally Posted by
ItsmeAlice 
Wow! What a night you've had already. I'm sorry you are unable to have a rational adult conversation with him even after all this time sober.
I read back through your recap of the argument to look for the subtext of things. He definitely doesn't want to see you upset. He probably got so bent out of shape because he knows your upset because of him. (Whether you are not doesn't matter when he's going to make it about him anyway)
I'm reading that when the argument is directed at you, he does just fine expressing all the venom he's got, but when the accusations start to come back around to him (even if it's only the accusations he has in his head) he says, "I don't want to talk to you."
To me, that's code for "I don't want this to be my fault." (put a drink in his hand and you're right back where you started)
When he walked out the door, the attention was on him.
When you walked out, you put the attention on you, and he was compelled to say that you didn't really have to leave.
You know what the quacking is now. You did what you needed to do address the quacking. Unfortunately, 2 yrs and 6 mos doesn't really change much for some people.
Part of his recovery, if he is actually working one, is to deal with healthier ways of communicating to you. If he is refusing to do that, then he's not really trying to change after all.
Again, I'm so sorry you're in this drama swamp. Please use the frustrated energy you have to push you to finish sorting your things and moving forward.
I'm rooting for you full force! Go tatullah, Go tatullah!
Alice
Quite a night huh.. lol
I know he doesn't like to see me upset. The interesting thing about this situation is he is actually blaming me for this split. I said I was thinking of leaving.. 3 days later I got myself into Al-Anon.. my thinking of leaving was an attempt to change.. I'd hit rock bottom. After I went I talked to him and told him I wanted to work on it and he said we are not good for each other and we're split. Ok.. accept the things you cannot change.. didn't like it but accepted it. I think the only true moment of honesty I have seen from in the short time we have been over is when he burst into tears and said he didn't think he wanted me to leave. Or maybe that was manipulative. Damn these alcoholics are good.. lol
Spot on with the projection. And what I have noticed (now my eyes are open) is that he really likes to take my inventory to the point of demonisation. It doesn't matter if he has it all wrong or if there is an alternative he hasn't considered: you are bad, you are wrong, ergo you give me a reason to be an utter sh*t and reject you. And spot on with the discourse foreclosure. When he is quacking he is as communicative as a duck with verbal diahorrea, but when someone else is talking he shuts down.
Unfortunately for him, when he walked out of the door, I was in the attic so didn't even notice until I heard the door slam lol. His focus was ruined: which might have explained why he came back after about 10/15 minutes.
You are right about his recovery. He goes to meetings twice a week, he has a sponsor (who he sees sporadically but he does have one) and he talks the talk.. but is he working it.. I'm really not so sure.. the behaviours are still there to some extent and were in full effect tonight.
Awww thank you for your concern. I probably shouldn't but I'm actually seeing the ridiculous side of it... and I really was laughing as I typed the OP. Before I would be :wtf2 and confused.