i agree with all of you about how its better to be sober than a thinner junky. but the thing is, then i was strung out i wasn't thin. i looked like death because i had black circles under my eyes all the time and my body was covered in bruises and abscesses from where i missed, my circulation is still awful even after 2 years clean from needles, my hands and feet are constantly swollen but i was a healthy weight. i'm 5'3" and use to weigh 150 lbs, now i'm almost 175. when i started shooting heroin my body changed and i started gaining weight even though i never eat. after 5 years of sitting on a couch watching tv all my muscles have atrophied and it's taking for ever to build strength again.
it's been a long dark road becoming a human again, and i appreciate everyone's advice and input. after two long years i'm back in school, working a job and living with my sister who refuses to let me fail. today i don't mind her random drug tests where in the beginning i pissed me off. i call her to let her know where i am and she is finally starting to trust me again. it feels good.