Thanks for the post...nearly missed it.
Yeah sure i beat myself silly for a long time.....kept me out there too.
It takes time my friend......you have a relationship with god....have you asked him to remove it...with all your heart?
A sponsor took me through the aa twelve steps..........i believe it gave me the freedom to hold my head up..
but it took time....i believe god has already forgiven you.......now maybe it time for you to do the same.
Thats how it was for me anyhow..........thanks for sharing.