MALE PROCEDURE AT ATM (WOMAN'S VERSION)
1. Forgets location of bank branch (wife usually runs the errands).
2. Drives around for 15 minutes trying to remember where the bank branch is (totally unnecessary).
3. Finally stops and asks for directions (very reluctantly).
4. Goes another couple of blocks out of the way (to avoid traffic lights).
5. Gets to bank and finds the ATM is out of order (uses a few choice words in anger).
6. Has trouble deciding which of the three cashier lines to get in (other cars pull into line while he's making up mind).
7. Drives up to cashier window (realizes his good choice...she's a knockout).
8. Turns on the charm for the gorgeous blonde (while fumbling for his checkbook).
9. Realizes his expensive pen is missing (wonders where the f...... he left the Christmas gift from his kids).
10. Is embarrassed to have to wait for the cashier to send a pen through the vacuum tube (but realizes too late he's used his last check).
11. Has to ask the cashier to send a withdrawal slip through the tube (is starting to get a bit hot under the collar).
12. Ignores honking of impatient driver behind him (before he flips him the bird).
13. Cashier sends two $50. bills for the $100. withdrawal (he forgot to ask for small bills).
14. After changing the two 50's for small bills, cashier sarcastially asks, "Will there be anything else, Sir?" (she's starting to not look so good).
15. Ever the suave man-about-town, he replies, "What do you have in mind?" (while thinking, "Smart-assed broad.")
16. She smiles sweetly, "Perhaps you and your wife could go out to dinner sometime with me and my fiancee." (sh$t...he forgot the Mr. and Mrs. on the joint checking account).
17. Visibly flustered, he rolls up the window, preparing to pull away (accidentally puts the car in reverse).
18. Hits the impatient driver behind him (not so badly he feels the need to get out and exchange insurance information).
19. Horn honker jumps out of vehicle, runs around to check damage (road rage is a bi_ch).
20. Stays in car, hoping guy will see there's just a scratch and get back in car (no such luck).
21. Tries to reason with red-faced, yelling guy from behind closed window (to no avail...road rage is a bi_ch).
22. Dials 911 on cell and waits for police to arrive (hoping they hurry...guy looks on the verge of a stroke).
23. Gives insurance info and details to cops who calm down angry guy and usher him back to his car (he's been assured the damage is negligible, if not non-existent).
24. Breathes a sigh of relief as police tell him to leave the bank lot (hopes the good-looking cashier didn't think he was a wimp for staying in his car).
25. Pulls around the corner, parks and calls wife on cell, "What the hell was it you wanted me to pick up from the store!?!" (wonders why she's so exasperated because he's an hour and a half late getting home and dinner is ruined).