What I didn't do last night
I thought about how my life has changed so drastically in the last few months, especially now that I am living without an A in my household - this morning I was reading the post of some of my dear friends that are still living with an active A and my heart broke for them.
I thought maybe I would share not so much what I did last night but what I didn't do last night - ONCE again not to try to tell you what you should or shouldn't do - but to give you a glimpse of what life looks like on this side of FREEDOM . . .
Last nite on the way home from work, I didn't have to stop to pick up cigarettes for him
I didn't have to deal with knot in my stomach.
I didn't dread the drive home, while at the same time trying to hurry home so as to not be late.
I didn't stand on the doorstep, wondering what would I find behind that door
I didn't deal with the fear of what condition I would find my AH in this afternoon.
I didn't have to cook supper knowing that he would pass out in the middle of eating
I didn't have to clean up a kitchen knowing when he woke up in the middle of the night he would just mess it up again
I didn't have to keep my purse and keys in eye sight at all times
I didn't have to take a shower while listening for him going thru my stuff
I didn't have to jump at every slamming car door - wondering & waiting
I didn't have sleep half alert - praying he wouldn't fall asleep while smoking and catch the house on fire.
I didn't have to be awakened during the nite to banging pots, pans, slaming cabinets, a loud TV, ranting & ravings about nothing whatsoever, or any other disease induced behaviors
I didn't have to have cell phone, clothes, shoes, keys and purse ready to grab at a moments notice - just in case.
and
I didn't have to pray God please keep me safe thru this HELL one more night.
and because I didn't have to do all of this last nite - regardless of what my ex may try to do or take from me - I am truly grateful.
May your day be filled with Peace, Joy and Love,
Rita