Hi Blessed -- I'm sorry that you are going through this and pray that you take the advice of the proceeding wise posts.
I never thought that my husband would do some of the things that he did -- never. But my tolerance level increased the longer I was living in the environment. The night he pushed me, I knew that was it. He was out of control and he scared me to death. He moved out three days later (I was with him for 27 years).
I work in the woman abuse field. If you look at coroner's homicide reports of women who have been killed by their spouses/SO, the majority of the people around them, who knew the couple, thought like your friends and family -- "Oh he was such a great guy, didn't think that he would do something like that, she must have provoked him (victim blaming). These reports will show that the risk of abuse escalates substantially when there is the threat of separation or actual separation occurs. The women (now deceased) often had told a friend of family member something along the lines of I feel that something has changed, and isn't quite right. In my wildest dreams I couldn't imagine him hurting me or the kids, but I also never thought he would say anything like he did.
Please please listen to your instincts. Please please be very careful.
We are all thinking of you -- please keep us posted.
Laurie