"I wonder what goes through the addicted mind....."
I need alcohol. Where am I going to get my next alcohol? Do I have enough money for alcohol? Do I have any alcohol left over from last night? I can't remember. What happened last night? Where's my alcohol? Oh good here's some alcohol. Oh crud - it's not enough. I need more. Where can I find my money? I need alcohol. Drink this alcohol. There. That feels a little better. But it's not enough. I need more alcohol. I have to drive to the store to get alcohol. Here's my alcohol. Pay for my alcohol. I'm shaking. I need more alcohol. Why is that man looking at me like I'm skum? Douche bag. I need to get home and get some alcohol in me. Thank go I'm home. My hands are shaking. I need this alcohol. I deserve this alcohol. Oh, that tastes good. I need more. I need much more. I think I'll call in sick because I deserve to take a day off. I've been working so hard. And the world is treating me like crap for some reason. I don't need them. They need me. Thank God for my alcohol. It's my one good friend that won't let me down. Everyone else in my life has let me down. They don't understand me. They misjudge me. They think they know better. And they think I'm less than them. But I'll show them. I just need to stop shaking and feel better and then I'll show them. I just need to drink a little more here in the dark where I feel safe and where they can't see and judge me. If I drink a little more, I'll feel stronger and safer. And all their judging words and harsh assessments of me and my life won't matter to me. It hurts me when they treat me like that. Like they think I'm dirt. Or they know better. It hurts me. I don't want to hurt any more. I need more alcohol. I just need more alcohol. I can't work today. I'm too sad. I feel sick with sadness and what the world has done to me. Can't they see that they have crippled me? That their judgements hurt me? F*ck that. They can't hurt me. I just need to drink more alcohol. They can't hurt me anymore. I know what I'm doing. I've got it all under control. I work hard and I do the best I can and if they can't see that, then f*ck them. That's their fault and I guess they'll just have to go on without me. Their fault. I'm safe here and I've got my medicine and I can handle this. And if some people want more from me than I can give - or than they deserve - that's their problem. I'm doind the best that I can. I work hard. I need more alcohol. I need to make sure I have some tonight so I can party tonight because I deserve it. I need to watch out for myself. Everyone elese is watching out for themselves and I've been trying so hard and they still act like I'm some kind of loser. To heck with them. I've got my alcohol and I feel fine now. And that's there problem. Maybe I can talk to them tonight and make them understand how hard I work. I deserve this. I can't talk about it with them. Tehy don't understand how hard I work. Blah blah blah blah blah blah......