*nands puts on momma hat*
Jiggy....i'm glad you are safe....I believe for myself that sobreity is about taking chances and living life, but NOT about taking chances with my sobriety! Sure maybe you'll be sober Tuesday, maybe you'll be dead....i'll hang my hat on sober for now.....listen to alley..she may not have many days yet but she often talks a lot of sense.
I obviously took this seriously and managed to actually convince myself that it was actually possible for me to drink with friends etc.
This was going really well...well it was as long as the plan was for me to have "social" reasons to drink most days. I'd have the odd day when I didn't drink at all (thus proving I can't possibly be an alcoholic).
Well my boozy chums this stepped up a gear this weekend as my wife has been away all weekend. Foooooooook me I've had some booze. I mean foooooooooooooooooooook me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!
I knew this was going to happen, absolutely knew it... But I still had to do it.
Jeeez wonky...that is me to a tee.... I too had to do it over and over and over again....I really really hpe this is the last time you have to prove this to yourself....you know you can change up the variables on this experiment all you want...you'll still end up in the same place. Ok OK i know i'm saying you you you but i get tired of being politically correct all the time...I only know the answer for me on what got me and keeps me sober...but i recognize an alchoholic when i see one.
So..you have bought yourself some time with the 12 weeks to marathon thing...great start there, and hopefully you will be able to find something more long term during that time. I guess i went through a period of 5 years where i stayed sober just till my son graduated highschool...and it got me 5 years well 3.5 had some slip ups...actually by the time he graduated i had found some other reasons to stay sober...and if you can find some way to feel comfortable between now and the marathon letting your friends know it isn't just about the marathon...that would probably be a good thing.
I'm glad you are all here with me on this wild trip you know...
I always drank from my hidden bottle at social events...it just wouldn't do for anyone to see what a true drunk i was...i mean when you are 18 and drink the guys under the bar it seemed like it had some sorta appeal, but it got pathetic at the end.
Last night my sis in law refered to when i "went away for a while" and came back healthy....kinda irks me....I mean this is a fcking physcial problem not a moral issue...I don't fcking drink cause i'm a drunk...get fcking over it...i went to treatment...
You know at some point i got tired of somehow being a second class citizen or at least seeing my self that way and PRESENTING my self that way..I don't hollar from the hill tops that i'm an alchoholic/addict...but i don't skitter away from it either....and i'm sick to death of being killed by this disease...i don't want anymore little holes out there left open to slip through when i have a weak moment and want to snarf down all the liquer in site without anyone sayign boo to me about it.
any anger in this post is absolutely NOT aimed at anyone else..it is about my anger at myself....my inability to accept myself as i am without that sensless shame and tell the rest of the world to fck off if they don't like it....just psses me off....i'm working on it
Just give yourselves the best chance you can to stay sober...you, like me are worth it.