Well, the person who said the difference between a bad day and a good day is about 24 hours? They were right.
I had a good long cry and a nice steering wheel slapping/screaming session, and today is dawning brighter and clearer.
There was an email from Peter this morning conceding that it must be very difficult for me to trust him with childcare. He doesn't appreciate my "tough" language in the legal documents, but he understands. He's going to sign the papers.
I think the differences between the relationship that used to be: the naive, eager-to-please girl that I was at 19 and the charming, kind man that I fell in love with -
these differences are highlighted so strongly in a divorce. We've gone from trust and care and inter-reliance to suspicion and "CYA" and get-it-in-writing. We're speaking in legalese instead of pillow talk.
That's a tough transition. Underlying all of it, there is love - but it's a new kind of love. We're setting up the boundaries for a new relationship while we grieve the old one's demise. Hard work!
I don't have the pesky "I shouldn't be feeling this way" thoughts anymore, though, and freedom from that negativity is wonderful. I know that I am feeling just what I should be. I am in the right place and moving forward to the next phase.
-TC