Well..Grams cried with joy when I told her I was goin to treatment MON. She is tellin my cousin she has to find a babysitter so she can go with me. She told me to do whatever I have to do. She needs me. Not to help with bills but to just be her grandaughter again.
She told me she wants to see me well before she dies.
I feel bad because I spent the money I was goin to give her for FL. And noone offered her any down there. She babysits for my cousin almost everyday, all day. And my cousin is always crying poverty. But she is far from it. So my grams falls for it and tells her not to pay her the little $40 a week for babysitting she use to. She should be dam lucky she doesnt have topay daycare for 2 kids as many days as she needs.
Gram said My cousin was pullin $100 bill after $100 bill out down there and didnt offer to give her anything.
So I feel like a big piece of **** for not giving her her own money. I know how it feels not to have your very own money.
Anyway. Thats really just all irrelevant. I just get a little mad. Because that cousin is the one always judging me and she has no business judging anyone. And she has a little "I am better than you" attitude.
Anyway. I amde my grams life by tellin her my plans. I told her I need to make own place in this world. And that I will be goin to sober living and I may not be home for awhile. If at all. She told me my home is always here if and when I need it.
She just wants me to get better.
Unconditional. I wish I had a fraction of that quality. Thats why it hurts so much. I have an amazing woman who has stood by me through it all without looking down on me or turning her back on me.
And it isnt enough for me to get right.
This is it yall. This is all or nothing now.
I am scared. Sad but very looking forward to getting better.
As long as it takes. Whatever it takes.