Red Flag..
Please read what you said here..
"I need to do this for MYSELF....if something horrible should happen to him (and I'm afraid it might if he continues the way he is), I am the one who has to live with "if I only". Believe me, I had a dear friend who was murdered by her A x-husband. I knew both of them, and nobody thought he was capable of something like that."
You state a dear friend was murdered by her A ex.
Yet you are not in the slightest concerned about your safety..only that your A might
hurt himself...not you if he cracks.
And yes, he probably is scared. He will be separated from alcohol in jail.
Please re-read your posts, anubus.
This exercise can be an eye opener...
Love and hugs, and prayers.