The first few times I worked my 9th Step, I thought that the only reasons for making amends was to ask for forgiveness of the person who I felt I had harmed.
Then one time it hit me like a ton of bricks. . . I needed to forgive myself for these things. I needed to make amends to myself. If I didn't, I would carry this around with me forever and that 'ol sack of sh*t that I carried with me was a heavy burden to bear.
I think every situation in my past where I felt I needed to make amends did center around my using. No, I may not have always been drunk or high when I said or did these things, but the disease had controlled every bit of my thoughts and behaviors so they were a result of my addiction.
How did I make amends to myself? I do it everyday by staying clean and sober, by doing the right thing. Once I had begun to forgive myself, to Let Go and Let God, I had begun to feel a sense of inner peace.
Feel free to PM me if you like, I'm always here,
Love,
Judy