Amends - how do you know?
I'm not sure where to post this so bear with me.
How do you know (or figure out) who you need to make amends to? This is something I've been thinking heavily about for a while and I just don't know the answer.
I lived in a bubble while my drinking was at its worst, and I was convinced that no one had any clue what was going on with me... so, by default, I was hurting no one but myself. I've since learned that that is far from the truth. When I look back on people, relationships, things gone wrong over the past 2 - 2 1/2 years I now question whether or not my alcoholic behavior played a part in those things, even though at the time I would have SWORN it didn't.
So how do I know?
And if I decide to err on the side of caution and apologize to someone for something that went sour - regardless of alcohol - how much explaining do I have to do? I mean, I don't want to sound like a loony tune freak who doesn't remember the past 2 years by saying, "I don't THINK I was drunk when we had that fight but to be honest I don't know so... either way, I want you to know I'm sorry." That doesn't seem right to me.
Bah. Sorry if this is confusing.