Heya Anabus,
I just read your second post, and it is still all about him.
I have an idea, can you post to us how YOU are doing?
Make it as in depth about yourself as you are about him.
Don't mention him, not once, if you mention him even once, start over.
Try this as an exercise, I am willing to bet you can't do it.
I will give you an example, with what is going with me.
I am having boundary issues in every aspect of my life.
Work, Home and Personal, I am having difficulty setting and enforcing strict boundaries, and then when my boundaries get crossed, I get upset, and respond in such a way that my response becomes "the problem" and my boundary issues are still there....unenforced...which makes me yet more upset....because I feel like I am just standing there saying the same thing over and over while people just ignore my boundary until I get frustrated and start losing my temper.
I have "reformatted" my boundaries with new solutions with both work and home, I have yet to see if these are viable alternatives, but I am optimistic and now have some new tools to work with.
With my personal boundary issue, I have not yet been able to be "heard" that it is in fact a boundary I am absolutely unwilling to compromise, so I need to find some new way to present it in a non threatening way but make it completely clear that this is something I feel is non negotiable, this is a boundary I am not willing to compromise about.
I also need to come up with a new and better solution to navigate it should it "present" again in such a way that I take care of myself but is not "threatening" to the other person.
How can I "disagree" without being disagreeable in other words.
OK, I have "condensed" three very volatile and troublesome situations right there in my life that involve interacting other human beings and done it in such a way that both "the problem" and "the solution" Lie within my personal area of responsibility.
Can you tell us how YOU are doing in a similar way without mentioning AH or mother even once?
Once again, I am willing to bet you cannot, but give it a try, you may learn something by trying.