Originally Posted by
anubus 
Bottom line is that I need to do this for MYSELF....if something horrible should happen to him (and I'm afraid it might if he continues the way he is), I am the one who has to live with "if I only".
I know you probably cannot see it, or don't want to, but the above is a very clear sign that YOU need help even more than he does. To say that you must mitigate the consequences of his actions in order to feel good about yourself is a very, very big indication that you have some unhealthy attitudes and beliefs going on in your life. Does it even make sense to you that you are cleaning up his 'mess' that he got himself into and calling it 'doing something for you?'
I am not judging you or saying this to be mean. I am speaking from experience. I had some major enmeshment issues that have been with me since childhood. As my therapist put it--you need to learn where you end and others begin. You do not have the power to save him, or anyone for that matter. This is not about him, it's about you believing you are that powerful.
L