straightlines,
I'm sorry you're going through this. As with the others, I worry more about you than i do about your father. Why? Because he still is not taking steps to help himself, and helping himself is the only thing that will save his life.
All the "love" in the world cannot stop addiction. If it could, none of us would be here. Only commitment and effort ON HIS PART can do that.
YOU cannot do this for him. Love him all you want, but you cannot make him take the steps he needs to take. We have a common saying here: you did not cause this, you can't control it, you can't cure it. It is sad, but it is true. You are trying to control something that is not within your power to control.
If sending your letter helps YOU, then send it. If you look in the paper and see Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, you might share the time, day, and location. You might consider a few sessions --for yourself --with a counselor who understands life with addicts....that was extremely helpful to me.
But if you think you have some kind of superhuman power that will MAKE an addict put down his drug -- and if you think there are some magical things, perfect words that can be done and said to MAKE him stop -- you are going to be very disappointed. That world exists only in movies and television.
In the real world, your father has to put on his shoes and take the next step and get himself to a meeting, and start working on some sort of program of recovery.
It's great that he knows he needs help. But know that YEARS might pass between the time an addict says
"I need to find help" and them actually doing the hard work of finding it. Until he makes that choice, you are simply taking a front-row seat to his slow-motion suicide. He is going to do what he's going to do -- he is an adult with the power of free choice. But you do not have to watch. You can love him from somewhere else.
I hope you will choose to find a way to love yourself. Regardless of his choices, you can choose to work on building your inner strength, self-esteem, and serenity. You are worth the time and effort.
Hugs and strength to you
