Dear straighlines,
Welcome - I am so glad you posted. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and not suffer in silence any more.
I know it is scary at first but you will find a lot of love, support and guidance here.
One of the things that you will learn and find freeing is the truth that we cannot "do the right thing" to get the addict into recover. It has to be your Dad's decision. I know this is painful to accept. Your letter is heartfelt and genuine but it is up to your Dad if he choses the family over the addiction. He needs inpatient treatment at this point and long term outpatient/ 12 step work. It sounds like his addiction has taken over his life so far so be prepared if he can't make the healthy choice. This will be deeply sad and perhaps angering to you which is understandable.
One of the most important peices of advice I can give you is to FOCUS ON TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF. So much of your life has been altered, put on hold because of your Dad's addiction. IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO LIVE. In addition to this website you might want to attend NarAnon or AlAnon or AL ANON ACOA meetings in your area where you will find tools to help you do this and to live a life with a new perspective on the addiction.
I know you meant well when you provided the drugs for your Dad when he ran out but this is counterintuitive to recovery. You were enabling him in continuing his addiction (many, many of us have done this at one time - I use to buy my Dad booze). I am sure it didn't make you feel good on some level. Like a lot of us you were caught up in the "drama" of the addiction.
If you can, from now on you need to focus on taking care of yourself and not rescuing your Dad/family. It will kill you psychologically at the very least or led you into your own self-destructive behavior (as you've engaged in). YOU DON'T WANT TO GO DOWN WITH THE ADDICTION SHIP. Grab a life perserver (us, NarAnon, etc.) and set yourself free.
You may find moving out of the family home if you can afford it will allow you to detach with love more easily.
Please keep posting. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
With Encouragement,
Luka
