Hi Anubus -- I'm glad you are here. This forum is filled with such wonderful, experienced people. I truly don't think I could have managed the past few months without it.
I have done what you have done many many times. I continually blamed my unhappiness on my husband's drinking and drugging -- it was his fault that my life was unmanageable. My behaviour only enabled my husbands disease to get worse. I was the soft place to fall, the one who would bail him out of everything, figure out financial problems caused by his disease and always stand beside him. It simply made him sicker. I had to step back and look at my contribution in all of this. When I realized that I was helping his disease to progress, it was fairly "easy" to let go and let god. I could not help him doing what I was doing -- only make it worse.
When you make the decision to allow him the full force of the consequences of his behaviour, it will be freeing. He will be fine. He will handle it. You have to let go of controlling his life and begin to control your own.
take care of you
Laurie