Please help me....am I doing the right thing??? Ugh, this A thing is CRAZY!!!!!! I'm a loving, caring person, and this desease is tormenting me. I feel so HELPLESS.
I posted long ago here, and many of you told me I needed to let my ABF hit bottom. I fought this, and kept rescuing him. I have prayed so hard for him.
Here's the current situation. He had a warrant since 2004 for a DUI he never went to court for. Plus he was driving without a license (my car, long story).
Well, a couple of weeks ago we got into a fight, and I just couldn't take it anymore....I called the police and turned him in for the warrant. Of course they let him out an hour later, on his own recongnance....
So, I never thought he would talk to me again, but I felt sorry for him because it's freezing weather here and he was walking to work, plus he had to see public defenders, and had a hearing sceduled that week, etc. SO....(enabler that I am) I phoned him & offered him my car. We ended up getting back together, and I contacted a good lawyer for him, and he honestly appeared to be ready to deal with this warrant even though he knew it might mean 6 months in jail. But long story short, we ended up getting into another fight, and broke up.
I finally decided it was time to LET GO & LET GOD.....and was doing GOOD, until today. His mom (who I am very close with) talked to him. He said we were through, and that I threw him into a lions den then dumped him (meaning turning him into the police), he doesn't know where he will come up with the $1500 lawyer retainer, plus he might be getting laid off at his (part time to begin with) job. He told his mom that he might just "not show" for THIS hearing......UGH.......ANOTHER WARRANT!!!!! Gosh, now I am a frantic mess. I LOVE this guy, I just want him to straighten out his life...with or without me. I'm questioning if the "tough love" is the right thing......I have been to alonon, and read the posts here.......they have to hit rock bottom, etc. But this is SO HARD. I know he's SICK.....he's had a very tough life. He was in a bad car accident when he was 15 that left him facially scarred, kids teased him, etc. He's 52 now and still has the scars.....he jokes about being "the REAL Scarface" but I know the wounds are deeper than skin deep.
God, every ounce of me wants to call him & encourage him to go to the hearing, deal with the DUI. I'm probably the closest person to him, as he doesn't confide much with anyone. But I sure do not want to HINDER his "bottom" or interfer with God's plan. DANG.....this is HARD!!!! Where does a person draw the line at "enabling" and "just lending a helping hand"?
And anyone who is religious, please say a prayer for me to KNOW what to do.