just as an addendum.....i have a new place, got finally a new car...this is for a 411 only....i know i have a problem...I do have a new girlfriend, she doesn't drink at all, and has never done drugs...she is gorgeous, smart and funny...we play a lot of backgammon.....i asked her recently, do you think I have a drinking problem? she said, no....not at all...but honestly? do normal people even have to ask this? i know where i came from....I know i have a problem, even if it appears to me i have it in hand....i know that...wanting to change? yep, am there...I am proud that i haven't touched any other drugs for a year...i didn't need a pat on the back....i am stronger than that...just have dealt with being kicked in the balls my whole life, and when a long time sober person came into chat, said SHUDDER, and left? just another rejection...honestly, i would have expected more...just another reason I dont like AA...there is so much self righteous, pompous, condescending people there...like yes, you dragged yourself out of the gutter, so why the hell cant you? thats not a helping hand at all, just another person spitting on us