I have a lot of grieving periods regarding AS. I've noticed that after we have had a conversation where he has approached me for help and i have responded by saying i would help/support if and when he chooses to get help for his drug/alcohol problem. He chooses not to get that kind of help, and I then find myself going through the whole grieving process. It lasts maybe a week, and those periods are getting less intense and do not last as long.
Those who are way ahead of us say that it is possible to establish a relationship again with our addicts - but it takes a long, long time with them having long-term sobriety. Hang in here, i'm rooting for you right now.