My First Post
Hello to everyone. I have been reading some some of your posts. It is odd how there is a feeling of recognition in almost every story.
I have been engaged to a man ( off and on) for about a year. We have postponed our wedding date several times because of his alcoholic tirades. I have kicked him out of my house several times for things that have happened when he was drinking. Somehow I have let him convince me that things will be better if I gave him another chance.
It has been much like insanity. The things he says and does that seem completely crazy to me. I have been devoted to this guy. One reason is that he is an amazing man when he is sober. Kind, loving, considerate and romantic. Everything I have always wanted in a man.
Unfortunately, this man disapears and in his place there is an angry, nasty person who makes me feel as though I never do enough, never give him enough. One who goes into rages and follows me around screaming until I leave my own house just to get some peace.
Right after last time I made him move out, he got a DUI, went to jail. His mom bailed him out before he even had a chance to sober up. Now he has no driver license, lost his job and went to stay with his mom, supposedly to do rehab there.
He talks to me every day and says he has been staying sober for the past month. I believed it until Saturday when he called and started ranting at me about all kinds of stuff. He still insists that he had nothing to drink- but I know him well enough to know that is not true.
I am exhausted, have no social life anymore, and few friends that have kept in touch. (none of them liked him).
He always tells me I am the responsible one. I don't want to be responsible for everything. I own my business, plus I am a full-time student and raising my teenage son. Just don't have time to take care of all his issues and don't want to either.
I think his mom and ex-wife have always rescued him from whatever problems he has created for himself.
He tells me all the time how much he loves me and that he will do anything to me with me.
Sometimes I feel like he just wants to drag me down, make me feel as bad as he does. He is good at it too. I have known for awhile that I should walk away and have been almost free, then he talks to me and I fall right back into it. I know this is bad for me, I feel so depressed at times.
I just can't seem to find the strength to end it. That little glimmer of hope keeps tempting me.
:praying