It took me a while to figure out that what I was feeling was grief. It helped me to just let myself have those days. I had to learn to let go of what my expectations were for my daughter's life. Today I find that I am just grateful for each day that my daughter has clean and for being able to accept her just where she is on her journey. There is joy in life no matter what our addicts are doing. You will find your joy again too. Just stick with us. Hugs, Marle