I can't say for sure because I'm not you and can't possibly know all of your motivations...but my guess is "probably not gutless, probably good self-care"....I mean, if you've said "no contact," you've said "no contact" for a reason and, based on my own experience of times when I've had to say "no contact" to someone, my reasons are usually pretty good and VERY BIG...and that means that good self-care depends on my ensuring, isofar as possible, that no contact happens.
freya