even with the addiction, it seems like you get the raw end of the deal sometimes, i know. while my A was in treatment i sometimes thought, "man, i wish i could stay here. have 3 good healthy meals cooked for you. no bills, no parenting responsibilties, meditation and counseling daily, workout equipment, you don't have to think about anyone but yourself."
seems like a vacation to me. i was at home taking care of a 2 year old by myself, trying to figure out how to pay for everything and having a new $500 bill that i had no clue about shoved in my face every other day or so. answering the phone to all of his drug buddies 5 times a day...
sorry, i wasn't trying to depress you. just want to say good luck with everything.
hope you find some serenity and get through it! :ghug3