Rediscovering Me? Scary, yet what a concept!
First off I have not posted since last summer when my AH was in rehab. I was trying to figure out what my role was in his recovery, only in the end to realize I really did not have one, for it did not matter what I did his mistress (meth) remains #1.
He stayed clean for 6 months and in the last two months he's had 2 dirties and 1 busted for for drinking yet tested clean for meth.
Being he is in Drug Court they had him move back to the halfway house month an half ago, his latest relapse with drinking almost landed him in prison. Instead of prison the judge put a 90 day No Contact Order with me. I found it funny because the last couple of relapses, he and I were getting along fine, he ran into the "Old Crowd of Friends" and chose to use or drink. Yet he likes to blame it all on me of course so there it is No Contact.
I realize that I have to thank him for blaming me an giving that final push of being able to cut him off an out of my life for a minute.
I know I MUST find myself again, yet each day is terrifying. I have let myself go over the last 2 years, there's so much I have to get back....physicaly, mentally and emotionally.
I have gone back to work, making less than I did when I was 18 and fighting with the Drug Court Program so I can get money from my AH because he still has a responsibility to take care of his daughter. He works full time, makes good money, lives in a halfway house so all his needs are being taken care of while I am trying to take care of my house and kids on my own.
So here to the next 90 days!