Your right Cessy.....although I do no expect it to change his behavior, I do have some small bit of hope left.
He had the saddest look on his face lastnight.....and he became so affectionate, then kind of scared...remorseful. He ran through the whole gamut.
Grappling? LOL, yup, that would be me.....I've almost convinced myself I made a huge mistake by giving him an ultimatum like I did.
I am going to spend this next week beating myself up, I alread know it. I know I shouldn't but at times the heart will outrule rationality.
From reading these posts and other threads, I feel as if I should be lucky to get out alive, but he never did anything to hurt me, I guess I knew the deal and yet I wanted more.
I should be mad at him but I'm not.
He treated me very well believe it or not.
The only thing he took from me is the chance to have a full relationship with him and that is definately not my choice right?
He never forgets a birthday, an anniversary of any kind, always buys flowers and cute cards or some other sort of special momento
Never asked me for money( I woudn't give it to him if he had of )
Loves to cook!
Supportive
Very smart ( yea yea yea ) not that smart...
Handsome
and the list could go on if I let it, but I won't.....It sounds like I am now trying to justify his actions or make excuses, I'm not.....I'm just talking it out. Trying to understand how someone who seems so......ok, really isn't?
Someone told me it's like emotional novacaine, the drugs...
I don't understand what he's trying to numb up, because he seems happy and has lots of fun when he is not high.
He is worse the 2 days after when the guilt sets in.
Thank you for listening and letting me process this crappy situation.
I am so impressed with everyone here and the many obstacles that have been overcome.
I know I can overcome this one to.
It just hurts like hell right now