Josette

My boyfriend is 46 and I am 45.

We've been seriously dating for 3 years and yes, I knew he was an addict a week into the relationship. I should have ran far and fast then but I didn't. He is a wonderful man. Goes to church (yup) donates his time, and will basically give you the shirt off his back.

We share so many things in common it incredible.

We don't really argue, don't fight, we have loads of fun together, sex life is great.

It's all great, except for.....the crack.


When I first met him he appeared to be using occasionally, like every 3 months or so and yes, I experiemented with him a few times in the beginning. I didnt know......it seemed like fun but after the second time the powerful need for it scared me and I stayed away and I thought he wasn't doing it as often.

He would go to meetings, hell, he's even completed the 12 step program.

He bounces back and forth.

His mother knows of his addiction and sadly enough she enables him.

Don't get me wrong, he is a hard worker, pretty much holds down a job, but he knows if he can't pay his bills his mom will. Actually she does. She pretty much buys him and gives him whatever he needs. I think this is because she feels guilty? I know he makes her feel guilty .

She told me yesterday that he pretty much tells her everytime he uses? She also told him yesterday to not come crying to him when I left this time for good.

Yes....I've left him once before when he chose crack over me.

For the last 6 months or so I've noticed a progressing change in him.

and lastnight I pretty much confronted him about his using (no arguing just sad quiet talking) he told me he's been using alot more often like every 3 weeks and has been keeping me from it because he does not want to hurt me. says he loves me very much and doesn't want to lose me.

I asked him to pick one, me or the drugs.........yea how stupid was that?

So he pretty much gave me the story of he's an addict, he will always be an addict, thats how his brain functions and he doesn't understand why his occasional use would even bother me?

I told him it's not the occasion use (which is now not occasional) that bothers me, it's the not caring ....

He can go for weeks/months and not use and then he'll schedule a day.....and thats it, no stopping him, even if it's scheduled weeks away.

He did tell me lastnight that he would try to go as long as he could but that was when I was getting ready to leave so I felt like he was just saying something to say it. It's like he turns into a small child that doesn't want his toy taken away and will promise anything to get it back.

He seems really selfish when it comes to crack. That nobody understands and why can't we just let him alone because he is not hurting anyone. He also understands that he will be alone and he says thats fine, he is used to it.

I took every picture he had of us in his house (which was lots) and took them.

I took our photo album that was on his coffee table.

Basically I erased myself from his home.


I guess I thought I was going to make him understand and feel the consequences because no one else ever has.

I know that was not the correct thing to do......it was pretty childish of me but the hurt I was feeling is so overwhelming.....

Now that I've done that.......what do I do?

I talked to his mother in Church yesterday for 30 minutes.....she is so sad as am I, but I can't keep enabling him by ignoring it.

And to be serious...he has me almost convinced that I can ignore this and it is no big deal because he doesn't "use" that often. That I should just shut up and ignore it because the other 50 weeks out of the year are great.

I don't want to backslide and run back over there because I miss him so much but neither do I want to lose him.


I think he is worth saving, WE are worth saving but I know I can't be the only one doing the saving and that breaks my heart.


Any suggestions on where I go from here will be greatly appreciated.

Sigh
:praying