I am not an atheist so perhaps this will mean nothing to you.(it's okay-I promise not to talk about God or an afterlife)
It's all too easy-when life is hard-to think-well f*** it-I'm going to die anyway, so what's the point?
The point is-regardless of an afterlife, the fact is you're HERE! So why not make it the best life it could be?
None of us know how long we have here.I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.But I need to find some meaning in every single day and I'll tell you this much.My best, most cherished moments in my life, have always involved helping others-not focusing on myself.When I've made someone laugh, or given a bit of advice....it's simple things but they all add up.
I understand wanting to die.I wanted to for several years.But I realised killing myself, or drinking myself to death(a later choice) was ultimately selfish.Sometimes we find our happiness, a reason for being here, in stepping out of ourselves.
The best thing I ever did in the midst of depression was volunteer to be a DJ at the local hospitals childrens wards, for their inhouse radio station.It made me so aware of how lucky I was to be alive and in giving to them?I got a million times back.Being around children who may not live to see another year gives you a reality check like you wouldn't believe, and a new appreciation for what you have.
Maybe you need a focus outside of your own life?I dont know.
I just feel for you.I know things can look very bleak at times-but don't give up.You're worth more.