Thank you to all of you! I just started crying (for the first time since this all started) because I didn't feel alone or like something was wrong with me! My AH has done a fantastic job of shifty the blame and/or guilt he feels onto me. And as much as I know it's not me, it does take it's toll.
I think what's really sitting heavy on my mind are my kids. He seems to be putting them in the middle. Acting like the best dad and actually doing some pretty horrible divide and conquer moves....completely undermining me in the parenting and discipline department. He just sits back and does nothing and leaves me to shoulder the burden of the household. My 5 year old is picking up on it and starting to get sassy with me and defend daddy. I know kids sense stuff and pick up on so much more than we realize.
Anyone have advice when it comes to small kids and this situation....I'm ready to give up 'control' of husband and let him hit bottom but I want to protect my kids. It's clear my husband doesn't think he has a problem....also, should I do anything to protect myself legally and financially in case his addiction continues to spiral...and lead to him hitting bottom? I don't want him to take all of us down with him.
I'm going to continue reading...find a meeting near me and find a good therapist that I can talk to and that can keep me on track! I really think I need to unload in order to move forward and be able to 'weather my AH's storm'.
THANK YOU!