[QUOTE=chiynita;2129283] Its like I am stepping on the gas pedal going 200 mph blind right now.[QUOTE]
I can't believe you just wrote that!!!! I think the same thing sooo often, Trish.
OK. So at least you're here, trying to slow things down a bit. HUGS and more HUGS. You are so vascillating between thinking you can do this and thinking you can't... Being alone with your thoughts can be good and bad depending on the thoughts you allow yourself to have. Keep pushing the bad ones away until you're strong enough to deal with them. IMHO, looking forward is the way to go.
You write how you're 33 with nothing positive to show for it... My God, Trish, I'm almost freaking 15 years older than you are and I can't tell you how much I've admired you when you've been at your best!!!! I admire you even more now, because you're putting up a fight despite all the crap that you're going through.
Think through all scenarios over the next few hours, days, etc. What will really make you happy in the long run. What's made you really happy in the past? GO for those things, Trish.
Oh -- and I'm SO praying that you do "find the strength to say no to that big fat bag." Keep in mind the fact that these people are just using you. You're worth more than that, Trish.
Be careful. Keep checking in so we can all help you through this.
Last edited by Emily2002; 02-28-2009 at 11:58 AM.
Reason: fixed quote (i think)