My Sister~ I saw this post last night but didn't have enough time to respond to it. I actually went to bed thinking of what I would write this morning. I hope my words can help you somehow. Oh and what pity party? You post what you need to when you need to!!!!!!
You could very well be getting what the Kids have, but I honestly don't think that's it. Your Husband is out of town and you said you used to drink as much as you wanted with no worries during those times. I *know* you've been feeling down, I *know* you've been having really intense cravings. I think you need to be extra careful this weekend Honey, I'm worried about you. I think your brain is playing tricks on you. I think it's trying to tell you "Come on, have that drink! Who's going to know?" Am I right? You are hurting, mentally and emotionally you feel down right now. You're not feeling good about yourself. I know you and I have talked about how that is a recipe for disaster! Being alone and having all those thoughts, it is NOT good.
My Sister, I care about you very much and don't want to see you so sad and hurt. Think about this. Yeah, you could have a drink, but you'd get trashed. What if the Kids get worse and you can't take care of them? What if you get so drunk you fall and get hurt and your Kids have to "fix" you? What if Hubby calls and you guys get into a nasty fight that you don't remember? OR what if nothing happens? Kids are in bed, you drink as much as you want, nothing bad happens. Hubby comes home and he never has to know, right?! NOPE...YOU will know. And you know darn well the guilt will make you feel even worse. Is that something you want to do to yourself? Do you want to keep something like that from your Hubby? No, you'll probably tell him what you did. You guys are working hard to re-build the trust in the relationship, what do you think you drinking as soon as he goes out of town will do to that?
I am *NOT* saying that you have the intent to drink. But something in your posts has me very worried about you. I see you withdrawing, keeping to yourself, feeling down. You will NOT go to that liquor store, do you hear me? You don't want to go to the Gym, don't go! Workout at home if you feel like it. Put on some music and just dance around. Don't want to do that? Take pictures of the trees outside, they don't give a sh*t how many pictures you snap!
I'll give you a new obsession...do you like to read? Go pick up the Twilight Series by Stephanie Mayer. Yep, they are "teen" books, but they are fun and easy reads! Plus you will fall for the characters right away. The shortest book is almost 500 pages...no time to drink if you are doing that =)
I just want you to realize that no matter how badly you feel now, no matter how much it hurts now, if you drink it will hurt and feel worse. You are worth more than a bottle of wine~
Love you lots my Sister~