Originally Posted by
TryingSoHard 
I've been in a mental funk for a few days. I debated posting about it but decided I didn't need to host another pity party so I've just been reading and trying to figure it out on my own. It's getting worse instead of better...
...I'm so tired of feeling abnormal. I'm so tired of having this crap constantly on my mind. And now, almost 5 months in, here I am entertaining (??) the wild notions of the past, romanticizing the memories of drinking and re-building the hope that one day my problem will be "fixed".
:wtf2
It's about reaching out...that's not a pity party.
I've been having some dangerous thoughts, too. I've been feeling so down that drinking is looking appealing. I'm going to work today...I really shouldn't...but it's payday. I should have called off...I don't feel any better.
What's the point of me posting this? I don't know...I guess to let you know you're not alone...
I do know that if I drink it won't fix my problems...I'm just looking for a respite. The only thing that's keeping me sober right now, TSH, is that I'm deliberately putting off drinking. I keep promising myself I'll do it later. It's the only thing that's working for me right now.
I feel nauseous, too...It comes and goes (and it probably doesn't help when I eat potato chips and pickles for breakfast.).
I don't have a plan for today, really. I'll go to work and cross my fingers that I don't walk out or have a break down. After that....hopefully the weather is good enough to go for a walk....after that...I hope I'm too tired to care to do anything.
What do you have planned? Can you get together with a good friend or someone in your family? Go to a museum…go for a nature walk…do something out of character that’s healthy? Do you knit or craft things? I know you’re interested in photography, right (if not, smack me on the forehead)? Shoot, maybe get a pet if you don’t have one and you aren’t allergic. I wish I had a cat…can’t have one in the house. Put on a pair of headphones...watch the Three Stooges...fix yourself a gourmet meal (or go buy one)...pig out on junk food (I use that one too much--oh, yeah...and only if you are feeling better)...go bowling...go shopping (I think I'm doing that this weekend)...
Big hugs.
