New - first post - How to be supportive without enabling?
On Sunday night I was blindsided by my husband's revelation that he has relapsed and for the past 6 months has been taking painkillers that he has obtained from "a friend" ie a coworkers dealer. He had been clean for over 5 years. He said that he had decided to stop and wanted to tell me because the withdrawals will make him moody, etc. So far he has not taken anything since Sunday morning.
He says that he needs to do this alone - that is how he did it last time - and feels that he deserves whatever h#ll the withdrawals bring.
Neither of us have actively attended any support groups - didn't see the need to.
What bothers me is that I didn't see this coming. When he was actively addicted 5 years ago I knew. He has chronic pain and I noticed when he ran out of prescriptions early and when I found out that he was getting them off the street I was really clear with him that he needed to stop or I would leave because I didn't want to be sucked into the addiction cycle....and he chose to get clean. This time I had no idea. Until 6 months ago he had only been taking Aleve/Advil for his chronic pain and there had not been any missing money, no mood swings, no behavior or schedule changes... He says that he had not been taking as much as in the past... but still How could I not know? How could I have actually thought that things were good!?!
Does this mean that in the future when I think things are going well that I must always second guess and wonder whether he is on painkillers again?
I don't know much about the recovery process or co-dependency or anything...because last time he went through withdrawal and everything on his own....but this relapse has really rocked me. My husband has always been very supportive of me and I find that I am not sure how to be supportive of him now. I am angry, hurt, and scared.
His actions so far show that he wants to get better... but if he has relapsed once will it happen again? Do the recovery programs work for everyone or is it possible to do it on your own and not relapse again?
How can a person be supportive of an addict who is actively trying to recover in a way that is not enabling them or is co-dependent?
Signed,
Blindsided in 09 and not sure where to go from here
Last edited by Blindsided09; 02-25-2009 at 02:10 PM.
Reason: Title change