Dear daisyjen,
It broke my heart to read that your son, teen or not, disrespected you verbally. I too have a son who grew up in the household with an alcoholic father. Maybe it helped, being that I chose to stay in the relationship, that I openly communicated with him about his father's behavior as well as my faults. I told him he could choose to be just like his father or learn from his father mistakes and be a better man. So far he's chosen the later and I pray it sticks. He's 18 and away in college now; unfortunately he doesn't like his father very much because of what he's experienced in our household. I can understand why, but to some degree I think I did him (and myself) a disservice by staying in an unhealthy relationship. All the blame doesn't fall on my AH. However, I must live with my decision to raise a child in that atmosphere and the impact it had on his life forever. We all have our reasons for staying the course through the good, the bad, and the ugly. But I remain prayerful that my son WILL continue to choose the right path in his life.
I hope that you will take the opportunity to talk to your son about what you are seeing in his behavior. And I hope that he will hears what you are saying to him. In the end its still his choice.
I wish you peace and good health.