bookwyrm.....we had that exact conversation at the meeting I went to Saturday. About half of the people in the group are divorced, and half still married, some happily and some struggling. There was a lot of emphasis on the fact that some people shy away from Alanon because they get the idea it is all about learning to detach and live WITH your alcoholic. I was reassured that it is for ANYONE affected by another's use of alcohol......whether that other person is living, dead, in the home, or out. I am so grateful for that group of women who get together on Saturday morning. I feel like I was put there by my HP at just the right time. For anyone else on the fence about whether to try it out, or making excuse after excuse about why they can't go like I did, please give it a chance.