I have to agree with Barb, Laurie, Bernadette etc.
I frequently speak from my experience as an alcoholic, but this needs to be a place where "the alcoholic" doesn't "come first"
That's part of codependency, not recovery from codependency
I came here to learn how to navigate relationships with practicing alcoholics in my family and a relationship, and learned what I needed to work on and focus on was myself, not them.
With "healthy" relationships I can put "others first" because they reciprocate, with someone in addiction if I put them first, they will take take take until I end up very ill, because I give give give until I lose my sense of identity, my self esteem, their reality becomes mine, their problems become mine, their behaviors become mine, and I don't know who I am anymore, just that I am ANGRY.
If it's time for them to "support" their "A" they will know, because their "A" will have some years of sobriety under his belt, and he will be "supporting" them, and they will be walking hand in hand, side by side, supporting each other....They will be "supporting" each other because they want to, because the relationship evolved that way, and it's fun, not because they read it on an internet forum, ya know?
Please seek support about your son Zing, we love ya, get the help that's freely offered, and then pass it forward, I have found what I have learned here VERY appropriate to take back to the rooms of AA.