Thank you so much, everyone. I definitely will post in the FF forum. Forgive me if I cut and paste some of this there. No disrespect intended.
But to answer a few questions...
Last week I attended a full day workshop for family members and it was great. Not Al-Anon but a big supporter of AA, and the leaders urged us all to attend. I found a group nearby that meets Mondays and was planning on going tonight, until I had to step in and rescue my kids unexpectedly. See the ps.
I learned so much that day. I'm embarrassed to say how much I had been doing wrong, but I keep reminding myself to cut yours truly some slack. This alcoholic thing came out of the blue, and it's not like you're prepared for this. YES. The big thing we learned was to take care of ourselves -- stay strong and healthy -- especially in my case since my kids need me more than ever. I am super-duper focused on this goal. I will not crumble (though there are moments).
I have always been the caring nurturing kind (imho) so this whole detachment thing is tough. I'm also a solutions guy, so it's hard for me to not try to fix the problem. But those three C's (thank you) are front and centre. I taught them to my kids too.
My wife...
She is seeing a shrink, and that's working about as well as rubber shovel. Her drinking keeps getting worse and worse. She claims her therapist allows her to sip from bottles of booze stashed in the house, so long as they're tiny bottles, and no more than two or three full glasses worth a day. Could all be lies. The lies are the most amazing part of this whole ordeal. Never in my wildest dreams (nightmares) did I ever picture my wife looking me straight in the eye and lying outright. This, she did for about a year. Had me convinced she was just tired, or it was a strong reaction to sleeping aids or paxil. And I, like a guy, bought it hook line and sinker. Men are so dumb.
My wife refuses to consider AA. Even though it worked for her dad and older sister. Yep, the apple doesn't fall far the tree does it? Anyway. I keep pushing the AA thing, and it just leads to fights. I try to remain calm, but man that's tough.
Anyway, thanks again. Don't be surprised if i ramble on. My wife has threatened bloody heck if I tell any of our friends about this, so you guys just might be my lifesaver.
ps: my introductory post was brief because I had to rush my daughters to choir and dance class. This has always been my wife's role (I have others, trust me) but now I'm having to be both parents. My wife has been drunk and horizontal for three days running now. Sounds like I'm making this up, but it's true.